Why Your Love Life Sucks – Ch1: Identifying and Disengaging Your Negative Reflection

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Why me? 

Realistically speaking, only some of you have a love-life. Some of you are in a relationship and don’t have a love-life, and some of you have a love-life without a relationship. With all that being said, a love-life starts with yourself. You cannot give love if you don’t even have it, and I’m not talking about infatuation or desire. I mean love.

I’ve heard people say that love is not easy. Love is very easy; it is infatuation and desire that is difficult and toxic, especially when these feelings are targeted towards your person of interest. Don’t get me wrong, the passion that desire incites is amazing but can be detrimental in unhealthy relationships. The reason I can sit here and say my love life doesn’t suck and probably never will is because I am confident with the love in myself. 

It means that I wake up sometimes and wonder if I’m actually superglued to the bed, but have faith that my day will be great.  It means that sometimes I get depressed or feel like I’m going about my life all the wrong way, but I have strength in God and in myself that my life will manifest the way I dream it will. 

Through my lowest days and hardest moments, it is never “WHY ME?” Because Y comes before Z is WHY ME. Because this is how I was made, and this how my decisions and uncontrollable forces have MADE ME, and boy do I fucking love it. Be excited that it IS you! Be happy that you have a life and there are endless possibilities and that you are actually, through a miracle, a walking and breathing person. Loosen up and stop taking yourself so serious. Remove the ego and tune in, because this life is only as fun as you make it.

When you have love, you have life. It’s all about perspective.

I used to hate the stretch marks on my boobs, and I was like omg, how am I going to get some hang time in a low cut shirt if I have these stretch marks? Kim Kardashian doesn’t have stretch marks. And then one day someone told me they like my tiger stripes. It took me a minute to figure out they were talking about the stretch marks on my boobs *laughs* and I thought, oh, tiger stripes. 😏 I like that.

These are my tiger stripes. Perspective.

I read this post on Tumblr that goes:

it be ya own self-esteem

it be ya own insecurities

it be ya own thoughts

it be ya own emotions

it be ya own decisions

I’m not staring at the computer screen for hours at a time to write you some mumbo jumbo. No one wants to waste their time, and I definitely don’t want to waste mine, so let’s change your perspective and look at things differently.

Your Mirror

Every time I’m trying not to eat a ton of food at once (I love mukbangs, so sue me), I always look up tips on how to not go downstairs at three in the morning and tear up a plate of pasta and some Doritos. The only thing that stops me is: “You control the food you put in your body, the food doesn’t control you.” It gets me every time, because it’s so true. I feel like a fool, like, wow – I was really going to let this food get all up in my belly and die for a few hours in hibernation and crawl to the bathroom all because I let food control me. 

It’s the same with the mirror.

When you look in the mirror, you decide what you get to see. If you decide to look in the mirror and see an ugly, negative, or a meaningless person – that is the energy you have harnessed  and your life will manifest negative outcomes. If you look in the mirror and see an intelligent, hilarious, and sexy as hell person, your life will move in the path of those thoughts, hence manifesting positive outcomes. The mirror works both ways. 

Who you’ve decided to see in the mirror is what you will attract, because you recognize a counterpoint or comfort, in someone who shares the same attributes. 

 Your negative projection has the power to do the following: 

  1. Shun others
  2. Bring them down to your level

Misery loves company. How grotesque is that? Some people don’t even realize what they’re doing, and it doesn’t go to say that people don’t have flaws, because Jesus knows we do, but there is a difference in a person who accepts their destiny and a person who creates their destiny. 

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Your mind is your most powerful tool, and even more powerful when in sync with the heart. 

Ways to Identify Your Reflection 

  1. Assess your thoughts 

We will eventually focus on the heart, but first, you need to assess your mental health. Do you cope in a healthy way? What do you think about when you look in the mirror? What are you thinking when you’re happy and excited? What are you thinking when you feel alive? Paying attention to both positive and negative thoughts will teach you how to strategically counteract bad thinking habits with healthy thinking habits. (Will go into detail later on)

         2.   Assess your friends.

Your friends’ flaws should be appreciated, but if they feel more intolerable or negative, it might be time to take a step back. Consistent impact of negativity from a close friend can do major damage.

        3.  Assess your environment. 

Is your environment creating stress of reducing it? Is it always dark or do you let the sunlight in? Is it sacred? Is it your safe space? You are a product of your environment, that is why it is so important to tend to your personal space. Is it dirty? Are there clothes everywhere? 

My second year of college, I put black curtains on both of my windows and it turned me into a hermit. My environment was lacking life, and before I knew it, I was lacking life. It took me two months to finally take them down. It felt as though a weight was lifted off my shoulders! 

Why Negativity Is the Key to Your Future Success 

Almost thought you got away with it, didn’t you? Negativity is never the key to any type of future success, whether it be in yourself, your job, or life.

Let’s look at the difference between optimism, realism, and pessimism. 

Optimism: I am the best at my job.

Realism: I am the best at my job, but I know there are others who are really great at it as well. 

Pessimism: I suck at my job, and someone would be way better at it than I am.

Realizing that someone else can be great at a job or even better at it is not a negative thought – it’s a realistic thought and should act as a catalyst, only to make you better than the day before. Competition with another human being is laborious and lacks any real benefits – it’s like comparing yourself to another x 1000. We are never the best at anything; accepting there will always be someone who is better at something and with that comes peace allowing you to work from within, because no one will ever be you.

For the Love of Negativity 

I’m not sure which one it is, but you tell me – whether you’ve cried, sulked, brought other people down, had a sour attitude, or just been negative I would love to say thank you. Because of your negative energy, others have used your pessimism to fuel their optimism into millions…and I mean millions of dollars.

Isn’t that amazing?

People who have decided to utilize the art of positive thinking are ones who take negativity and run it through a cycle:

Negative Subject  → Exerts Negativity → Positive Subject→ Exerts Positivity 

Let me explain. A coach tells a player he will never be great enough to compete at professional level, years later he signs a million dollar contract with an NFL team. A teacher tells a communications student they will never be great enough to be on television, next thing she knows, she’s next to Anderson Cooper on CNN. The reason these people have come so far, is because they loved themselves enough to believe in their future and used external elements to fuel them. Positive and negative. 

It is almost impossible to kill the power of positive thinking, which is why negative thinkers are only drinking their own poison, no matter how much they try to kill the optimism of others.

But don’t worry, we need you.

To all my readers, let’s take this journey together. I find this to be extremely exciting and I hope to evoke thought and help you change into the person you dream of being, living the life you want, and finding the love both of us know you deserve. I promise, with the right mindset, it is all possible.

You’re Welcome in Advance. 

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Next up: Chapter 2: Your Thinking Narrative and Inner Dialogue.