Why Your Love Life Sucks – Chapter 2: Your Thinking Narrative and Inner Dialogue. 

This is Important 

I want to say that I am not writing these posts to be righteous – I’m writing them because I want you to get off your ass, look in the mirror, and admit to yourself that you are lost. This is merely didactic. I cannot help anyone who doesn’t want to help themselves.
When you do this, you become more receptive to positive suggestion and new direction – and it’s not something that you do once and it doesn’t mean every time you mess up you are ‘lost’; it just means recalculating the plans for your life and what the hell you have to do in order to get there. I believe it’s something humans have to do often.

They say the smartest people are the people who can learn from their own mistakes, but the people who really make it in every aspect in life, are the ones who are able to learn vicariously through others

I’ve heard a lot of people say they want to be happy. “I just want to be happy,” they tell me. So…do you think that happiness is a destination? Happiness is not somewhere you drive and decide to reside. It’s a mood – like sadness, anger, excitement. For me, it is a choice and default setting; happiness is something that I will always be, only learning to accept the way life works and to be fortunate of the things that I have.  Isn’t it crazy that we allow ‘depression’ to seem like it will take a permanent placement in our lives, but happiness is perceived as temporary?

Being grateful and appreciative always branch from the state of happiness. Sometimes, it’s just about having the ability to see, and if I couldn’t see, the ability to hear, and if I couldn’t hear, the ability to touch, to love, and to be alive. At least, that’s what I would hope for, and even hope is a powerful force.

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Where are You? 

My favorite place to scream: my car. Some people like to scream in their pillow – but for some reason, there’s still security in that. But in your car? I eat in there (I mean chow down, my favorite is sandwiches and tacos), I scream in there, and after long nights, I can sit in the driver’s seat for hours contemplating and breathing in deafening silence (I might turn Frank Ocean on if I’m feeling extra sappy, but that’s beside the point). It is an extremely controllable environment and sometimes that is what we need, an area that can be controlled.

This is called a mental emotional release (MER). Sometimes, we can be too mental and sometimes we can be too emotional – and all that pressure builds up and it feels like there is nowhere to release it. The crazy part is – it’s just energy! Sometimes, our worst enemy is the overuse of either our heart, mind, or both, so it is crucial to find stillness.

One time I was boarding a flight on my way back to New Orleans, and it was storming outside…I mean, really storming. I was looking out the window in my seat and thought, ‘The people flying this plane are children. It’s storming outside and y’all want to take me in the clouds? Welp, I’m giving it to God – it’s over.” I sat back in my chair and shook my head. This is it. Never thought I’d go out like this. I instantly became overwhelmed with emotion. We took off, and the turbulence topped my expectations and not in a good way.

What if lightning strikes the plane?

What if the wind is too strong and the turbulence just f*cks up the entire plane?

Eventually, after plunging through the black clouds, a ray of light blasted through the window and the plane felt weightless under my body. I looked out the window and saw this:


Imagine – all that for nothing! We forget, as humans, to trust the process and make situations larger in our heads than they are in real life – and with great reason: we’re scared, and that’s okay. However, we will talk about that later in a separate post.

When we burst through the darkness of our own provoked mental and emotional torment, we reach blue skies. This is why it is important to be aware of our thinking narrative and inner dialogue.

What we are aiming for is that breakthrough. 

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Mind Tricks 

Let’s talk about the things you say to yourself – this can be really tricky. Yes, we must be on the lookout to counteract our negative thoughts, but we must be aware of the difference of truth and delusion (irrationalizing).

According to Dictionary.com:

truth: that which is true or in accordance with fact or reality.

delusion: a false belief or opinion

truth: I am smart.

delusion: I am so smart that everyone else is stupid, and I know everything there is to know about everything.

truth: I am wise.

delusion: I am so wise, I am always right. Any statements that counteract mine are wrong.

truth: I am wrong.

delusion: I am wrong – I am a horrible person, and I am undeserving of happiness.

Without even knowing it, this is how our subconscious mind works. Being able to identify the difference between the two will change your love for life, people, and yourself.

The way you process the things that happen to you make all the difference in the world: the way your personal experiences play out in your mind. Some of us love to play the victim – it seems easier that way; some of us like to pretend we do no wrong – our egos love the blame game, and sometimes we are just too damn hard on ourselves for our mistakes, leading to self-hatred and negative thoughts. All of that is delusion. Because shit, simply, happens.

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The Art of Mistaking 

BRING THE PAINNNNN!!!! 😤 I won’t say I love pain, because that’s really not the truth at all. But I do, however, love making mistakes – it just so happens, pain sometimes comes with it. But the GREAT thing about pain, and the way it works in the brain, is that when you feel it and embrace it – no matter what the circumstance – it will prevent you from making the same mistake twice.

It’s kind of like your body using punishment, a concept practiced in operant conditioning. When you make a mistake or when you are hurt, your body undergoes a strong sense of pain (undesired stimuli), and associates a memory, experience or behavior with it. This happens because your body wants you to change the behavior that brought about that pain or avoid similar circumstances.

Some people do not learn from their mistakes and choose not to learn. Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results is the very definition of insanity. Tai Lopez, millionaire entrepreneur, says that people younger than 25 have a very flexible mindset and are able to change their ways quite easily. But after 25, only intense traumatic events will change the bad habits and behavior.

Listen to your body. Learn from your body.

Mistakes and the pain that come with are to be embraced.

To obtain a better relationship with your mind when dealing with mistakes:

  1. Be Kind and forgiving

Don’t be so hard on yourself. It happens, accept your place and experience. You stepped out your comfort zone, you took a chance and that’s what matters. Kudos to you!

2. Don’t delude yourself

Take everything at face value. Trying to wrap your head around certain situations is inevitable but ultimately a waste of time. Whatever happened, happened – just like it was meant to.

3. Make a mental note

What to do differently?

4. Mistake = Lesson

Mistaking is part of the growth mindset.

The Era of Narcissism 

In the Era of Narcissism, it is very easy for us to fall into a hole of delusion and forget humility when facing different challenges with ourselves and others. We are programmed to play these mind tricks on ourselves, especially when we have hurt or been hurt by others – because then, we either become selfish with ourselves, and feel others are undeserving or we feel so undeserving, we don’t want others to put up with us.

“It’s all about me now.” 

“No one deserves me.” 

“I’m too good for this.”

“I’m not good enough.” 

Whichever one you are, it is important to know that whatever is in your mind was put there – either by you or by someone else. This is why we cannot always trust our minds – this is mental torment. This is where I say sometimes you don’t need to counteract negative thoughts with positive thoughts, or allow negative thought to prosper, but to simply tell your brain to shut the f*ck up by recognizing it is in freak out mode.

Breathe. Relax. Meditate. 

Thank you for reading this chapter – I hope you were able to expand your knowledge, because I definitely did – writing my thoughts down always helps me to learn things I never knew I knew – LOL. For that, I am appreciative. I wish that all of these thoughts and writings were stagnant, but even in learning from learning…you learn! The art of love is an infinite and profound journey. Everyday is a new experience – I hope you enjoy the one. I just shared with you.

I hope you stick around for the next chapter. I feel it will be really interesting! Please feel free to comment or message me with any feedback or thoughts.

You’re Welcome in Advance

Next: Chapter 3: Respect

Catch up

Why Your Love Life Sucks and Why Mine Probably Never Will

Introduction: The Nerve of the Writer

Chapter 1: Identifying and Disengaging Your Negative Reflection